on the weirdness of it all

So the process of making people is a very weird thing. I mean, seriously--all "ooh-ing" and "aah-ing" aside, it's strange! People are forming. In my stomach! It's like something out of the X-Files or that Alien movie. They are forming, and growing, and drinking their own pee.

And they are moving. I don't know if it's stranger to feel them move, or the fact that for several months I didn't feel them move! I mean, there were substantial little creatures in there kicking around all over the place, week after week, and I didn't feel a thing. But now that I do feel them, that's odd too, of course. I don't know about all the people who say it feels like butterflies in your stomach. (These may be the same people who talk about how beautiful their babies are the moment they first see them, and neglect to mention that they are covered in blood, mucus, and poo.) Mine do not feel like butterflies. They feel like salamanders. Squiggling in muck. Now that they are bigger, they feel like... big salamanders. Or maybe medium-sized fish flopping around, I dunno. Not butterflies though. And most of the time when they start moving, the sensation catches me off guard, and my first thought is inevitably that I need to go to the bathroom NOW, because my stomach is churning and something is going to be coming out of one end or the other. It takes me a split second to figure out that it is only my (darling, adorable) children that are masquerading as nausea and/or diarrhea. But it makes the whole babies-moving thing a little less than pleasant at times. Perhaps I am a bad mommy, but there it is.

Oh, and speaking of weird and babies moving, today I SAW my stomach MOVE for the first time. WEEEEEEIIIRD!! It is completely the strangest thing in the world--X-Files and Alien all over again.

And then there is the more profound and existential weirdness, when I consider that these really aren't salamanders or fish, or even aliens. I can almost imagine them as babies now, when I'm feeling particularly enlightened. But to think that someday they will be children. Children who think, who talk...! Who become teenagers! And ADULTS!! It's ridiculous, absolutely surreal, and completely terrifying. No wonder parents always talk about feeling overwhelmed! Who decided it was a good idea to give me this much responsibility?**

Anyway, enough reflecting for now, I suppose. Our nursery is currently taking shape, complete with a (comfy and wonderful) glider, dresser/changing table, and two cribs. It's not as strange as I thought it would be to see the cribs all set up and waiting. I'm not sure why. Perhaps at some level I'm actually adjusting to the idea of parenthood! I have two doctor's appointments this week (!!!), and at the second one they will check my cervical length and some sort of protein, which should tell us my chances of staying pregnant till at least 32 weeks. (That seems to be sort of a magic point, past which the outlook is very good. Twins mature a bit faster than single babies--singletons, they're called--and 37-38 weeks is often the same as 40 weeks for a singleton pregnancy.) They will also do another ultrasound to check the babies' growth, so we should have another video to post soon if Scott is feeling up to some editing! Suggestions on songs for the soundtrack are appreciated!



**By the way, I don't mean to sound overly negative about this whole pregnancy. My sister told me today that I am slowly sucking all the joy out of her expectations for being pregnant, which made me feel kind of bad. I'm just not a gushy sort of person, I guess. But perhaps once the babies are here, I will be telling everyone how beautiful they were the moment I saw them, and forget all about mentioning the blood and poo. Perhaps.

But... blood! ...and poo!!