a tutorial

A Step-by-Step Guide to Crawling

by: Noah Hewitt

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1. Decide what it is you're going for. No need putting forth the effort unless it's worth it. Example: a doggie is not worth it--they keep walking away. Food is ALWAYS worth it.
2. Cry a little (or a lot) to build up your courage.
3. If you are sitting, you need to lie down. To do this, do a face-plant into the floor. Use the friction between your face and the carpet to hold you steady while you straighten your legs out behind you.
4. Take another look at your goal.
5. Cry a little more.
6. Re-plant your face into the carpet. Agan utilizing the face-carpet friction factor, walk forward with your toes (keeping your face steady) until your bottom is way up in the air.
7. Push harder with your toes, until your face breaks loose and skids across the floor.
8. Reassess your goal, and cry if you haven't reached it yet.
9. Repeat steps 6-8 as needed.

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A Glossary of Terms

by: Lillian Hewitt

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• clap (v.) - the act of putting one's hands together repeatedly. Adults get really excited when I do this. Sometimes Mommy even feeds me when I clap. This is weird, but pleasant nonetheless.
• dance (v.) - the act of simultaneously shaking one's head and wiggling one's shoulders and torso while sitting. It is very difficult not to fall over when dancing vigorously. Adults seem to think I should clap while dancing, which would certainly make me fall over. Many times when I dance, adults will turn on music, which is confusing.
• hug (v.) - to grab handfuls of skin on each side of someone's neck while pulling your body close to theirs. You have to grab on tight (use fingernails!) or else they will get away before you're completed the hug. Hugs are best combined with kisses (see below).
• kiss (v.) - to suck on or bite a portion of another person's face or shoulder. It is best if you get as large a mouthful as possible. It is also best if you say "awwww!" while you do it, and combine it with hugging (see above).

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We got the babies some foam letters for bathtime. They are supposed to stick to the walls of the bathtub, but they have the added bonus of sticking to babies as well:

Noah wants to pull up on EVERYTHING these days. He almost drowned twice (okay, not really, but HE thought so) a couple days ago, trying to do all his new activities in the tub. Even with that trauma, I'm not sure if he's convinced he should reserve crawling and pulling up for doing on dry land only.